Happiness

It’s better to be alone than in an unhappy relationship

An unhappy relationship can suck the life out of you. It can also suck the joy out of your life and turn you into someone negative who constantly complains. Relationships aren’t easy. It takes courage and vulnerability to make them work. But if you feel like you are doing all the work and still things just won’t get better, it may be time to step away and spend your time and energy with yourself.

Being alone isn’t easy either. Fear of loneliness can drive people to jump from one unhappy relationship to another with little to no time in between to sit with yourself and figure out what you really want and need from your relationships.

Use your alone time to prepare

When you are alone it can seem like everywhere you look, the world is filled with couples. Couples holding hands as they walk toward you down the street. Couples cuddling on the park benches you pass. Couples kissing in the movie theater two rows up. If you stay single for long, friends and family may start making comments and might even try to set you up with one of the other single people they know. Like their friend Edna’s nephew from church.

When the invitation for a wedding arrives and you have to decide whether or not to bring a friend as your plus one, you might start to despair.

But don’t. Taking time between relationships to be with yourself can be highly beneficial both for you and your future partner. It provides time for reflection on the last relationship, and time to think about what you want in the future. What do you want to do differently next time? What do you need to be truly happy in the kind of relationship you want?

If you find yourself alone when you want to be with a partner, this is the perfect time to employ the Law of Attraction in your soulmate search.

Make a list.

One technique I recommend starting with is to write out a list of the attributes you are seeking in a soulmate. The list may include things like intelligence, sense of humor, charisma, or any number of positive traits.

But here’s the thing that really makes this work: while you are composing this list, do whatever it takes to put yourself in a joyful, even elated emotional state.

Put on music. Dance around. Slip on high heels and a dress that makes you feel fantastic. Get yourself really excited about meeting this potential partner. Visualize what it will be like when you are sharing your life with your future soulmate. How will they look at you? Talk to you? Touch your arm as you walk together? What kinds of things will you do together? Once you have an image clearly in mind and feel joy coursing through your body, then sit down to write the list. Make it as long and detailed as you like. The clearer the vision, the better.

Try doing this on a daily basis for 30 days.

Make room in your day each day to consciously create happiness and contemplate the love you desire. When you infuse your life with this level of joy, openness, and positive expectation daily the effects will ripple out through all aspects of your life. Not only will you feel happier, more hopeful, and ready for anything, you will be open to all the possibilities life presents you. Including the chance to find the kind of love you most want and deserve.

Happy list making.

https://medium.com/@drkimberlystearnsphd/how-to-have-more-to-be-grateful-for-9d0c4f98267

Cultivating an attitude of gratitude

It may sound cliche, but there are tremendous benefits to learning to cultivate an attitude of gratitude. Studies show that people who regularly express gratitude, either through keeping a gratitude journal, giving thanks in the evening before eating with family, or even just taking a moment to think about all the good things in their lives each day, enjoy better physical and mental health than those who do not.

Why would this be?

Because people who are grateful notice and appreciate the positive things already in their lives.

Doing this makes them feel happier. Happy people tend to reach out more for social interactions. They are less likely to be lonely because they feel good about themselves and about being around other people. They are more likely to exercise regularly, to remember to go to the doctor and dentist for regular check-ups, they have better social skills, coping mechanisms, and better psychological resiliency.

Creating a regular practice of gratitude is easy to do.

There are a number of apps that have been created in recent years to help users track gratitude and happiness. But if it seems strange to use technology for something like this, you can also get out a notebook and put good old fashioned pen to paper. Keeping the notebook at your bedside can help you to remember to record the things you are grateful for each day either upon waking or each night before you go to sleep. It is a good practice to branch out and not just write the same few things every day. If you are grateful for your family, get more specific. What exactly about each family member did you particularly appreciate that day? What about your job was fulfilling and meaningful today? Why did the call from your brother make you feel so good?

Stopping to notice the things that made you grateful one day can inspire you to seek out more of the same in future days, or to pass on the goodwill you received on to others.

Appreciate your brother calling you out of the blue, just to say hi? Your mother would probably love it if you did the same today. Wasn’t it awesome the way your boss praised you in front of the whole department in the meeting? Is there someone in your office that you can do that for today?

Gratitude and happiness are contagious.

They build on each other and quickly spread to others. Peter Drucker once said, “What gets measured gets managed.” This is usually applied to business and analytics, but I want to alter that sentiment slightly so we can apply it to gratitude too:

What gets your attention, grows.

If you put your attention on negative things, you will feel negative. Each small daily stressor that you might easily overcome while in a good mood, suddenly adds to the negativity of the day and makes everything worse. On the flip side, if you put your attention on all of the wonderful things in your life that you are grateful for, you will notice and create more of the things that inspire gratitude. The more grateful you are, the more you have to be grateful for.

Happy gratitude journalling!

https://medium.com/@drkimberlystearnsphd/scarcity-mindset-6088ecc2e903

When It’s Better To Be Alone