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How To Have More To Be Grateful For

September 13, 2019 //  by kimberly//  Leave a Comment

Cultivating an attitude of gratitude

Photo by Courtney Hedger on Unsplash

It may sound cliche, but there are tremendous benefits to learning to cultivate an attitude of gratitude. Studies show that people who regularly express gratitude, either through keeping a gratitude journal, giving thanks in the evening before eating with family, or even just taking a moment to think about all the good things in their lives each day, enjoy better physical and mental health than those who do not.

Why would this be?

Because people who are grateful notice and appreciate the positive things already in their lives.

Doing this makes them feel happier. Happy people tend to reach out more for social interactions. They are less likely to be lonely because they feel good about themselves and about being around other people. They are more likely to exercise regularly, to remember to go to the doctor and dentist for regular check-ups, they have better social skills, coping mechanisms, and better psychological resiliency.

Creating a regular practice of gratitude is easy to do.

There are a number of apps that have been created in recent years to help users track gratitude and happiness. But if it seems strange to use technology for something like this, you can also get out a notebook and put good old fashioned pen to paper. Keeping the notebook at your bedside can help you to remember to record the things you are grateful for each day either upon waking or each night before you go to sleep. It is a good practice to branch out and not just write the same few things every day. If you are grateful for your family, get more specific. What exactly about each family member did you particularly appreciate that day? What about your job was fulfilling and meaningful today? Why did the call from your brother make you feel so good?

Stopping to notice the things that made you grateful one day can inspire you to seek out more of the same in future days, or to pass on the goodwill you received on to others.

Appreciate your brother calling you out of the blue, just to say hi? Your mother would probably love it if you did the same today. Wasn’t it awesome the way your boss praised you in front of the whole department in the meeting? Is there someone in your office that you can do that for today?

Gratitude and happiness are contagious.

They build on each other and quickly spread to others. Peter Drucker once said, “What gets measured gets managed.” This is usually applied to business and analytics, but I want to alter that sentiment slightly so we can apply it to gratitude too:

What gets your attention, grows.

If you put your attention on negative things, you will feel negative. Each small daily stressor that you might easily overcome while in a good mood, suddenly adds to the negativity of the day and makes everything worse. On the flip side, if you put your attention on all of the wonderful things in your life that you are grateful for, you will notice and create more of the things that inspire gratitude. The more grateful you are, the more you have to be grateful for.

Happy gratitude journalling!



https://medium.com/@drkimberlystearnsphd/scarcity-mindset-6088ecc2e903

Category: UncategorizedTag: Gratitude, Happiness, Health, Love, Mental Health

Accelerate Intimacy by Traveling with Someone You Are Dating

September 11, 2019 //  by kimberly//  Leave a Comment

Some tips to make your trip a success

Photo by Tim Stief on Unsplash

Adventure. Wanderlust. The romance of travel. The desire to see new horizons and visit new places, to taste new flavors and see new wonders.

While travel isn’t for everyone, when you find someone you want to travel with, it can be an extraordinary, exciting, and intimate experience. It can also let you see sides of someone you might not see in the course of regular stationary dating.

When you travel with someone you are newly dating, you have the ability to get to know them very quickly in a short amount of time.

It creates a sense of accelerated intimacy.

You get to interact with them in a variety of contexts. You see them in the morning. You see them in the evening. You see them all the hours in between. You get to see how they navigate through the small stressors that occur while you are traveling. How do they handle unfortunate but sometimes unavoidable ordeals like delays, lost luggage, unexpected interruptions, and disappointing accommodations? You get the chance to see how the two of you work together in concert to overcome the challenges that arise. You can see what happens when the two of you disagree. How will you come to a compromise.

You can see how it feels to enjoy the serendipitous moments when everything goes unexpectedly well and you discover something even better than either of you could have planned.

If you are thinking of traveling with someone that you have been dating for a short time, stop and think about your hopes and expectations. Think about the best-case scenario, how good it will feel in those moments when everything goes right. Center yourself in those good feelings. Let them soak in and feel so real that it’s almost as if you are already there. This isn’t to set the expectation that nothing on the trip will ever go wrong. That would be unrealistic and you would likely feel disappointed. Instead, use this good feeling as your anchor for the trip. Be ready for everything to go right, but being in a good mood to start with will help you to deal with the small stressors that will doubtless arise with the patience and grace that you hope for from your travel partner as well.

Happy traveling.


https://psiloveyou.xyz/when-its-better-to-be-alone-1593c1619269

Want to be the first to know about new articles and exciting announcements? Click here to get updates from Dr. Kimberly Stearns: https://kimberlystearns.com/updates

Category: UncategorizedTag: Dating, Love, Psychology, Relationships, Travel

The Upside of Virtual Dating

September 9, 2019 //  by kimberly//  Leave a Comment

How dating online can reduce anxiety

Image by. By Tero Vesalainen

The trend of virtual dating is on the rise.

It’s everywhere and it seems like everyone is doing it. And while there are some legitimate concerns about dating apps, such as people misrepresenting themselves, using the apps to cheat on partners, or sometimes even misusing the platform entirely, there are also some very big upsides to virtual dating.

For instance, people who have social anxiety or related conditions can find dating to be the most difficult of all social situations.

After all, when do any of us feel more personally vulnerable than when what we are presenting for another’s approval is nothing less than ourselves?

Anxiety is often activated by feeling a lack of control. In real life social situations that involve other people, it is hard for an anxious person to feel in control when there are so many variables at work. In the online dating world, the ability to rehearse, rewrite, and even run a particular message by a trusted friend before hitting send can help an anxious person to feel they have some measure of control. Also interacting with someone online where you can choose to pause before responding, or even stop responding all together at any point, allows for a better sense control than meeting a stranger in a common space where rejection might be not just personal, but public.

In the controlled environment of an online dating app, you can even broach the subject of anxiety and let the potential date gently know that you have a hard time in busy, noisy restaurants and loud bars or clubs and would rather meet in a quiet, coffee shop to continue an online conversation. If the potential date has a problem with this, they probably aren’t the right match and it’s better to find something like that out sooner than later. However, it is also possible to learn that your potential match shares some of your fears and will be only too happy to take things at the pace, and in the place, you choose.

If you think virtual dating might be right for you, start by getting yourself in a happy mood.

Put on your favorite music, a favorite outfit too, and think about the things that bring you joy. Then sit down and write out a list of what are looking for in a potential partner. You can start with the obvious things like an age range, career, and physical attributes, but then think about the subtler things too. Maybe you’d really like to meet someone who shares your love of gardening or musical theater. The point isn’t to get too tied to your list. Stay open to the happy surprises that come along with meeting new people. But having the list as a starting point helps.

Then think about yourself. Make another list of the things your best friends and loved ones appreciate most about you. Now you’re ready to create your profile and start filtering for the kinds of people you want to meet. Think of it as an adventure and don’t be too tied to the outcome at first. Enjoy the process. Give yourself room to explore and learn.

Happy Dating.


https://medium.com/@drkimberlystearnsphd/when-your-love-life-feels-like-groundhog-day-91aa3d89cc12

Want to be the first to hear about new articles and announcements from Dr. Kimberly Stearns? Sign up for email notifications here: https://kimberlystearns.com/updates.

Category: UncategorizedTag: Anxiety, Dating, Love, Online Dating, Relationships

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